The Fearless Mama

What's the most scared you've ever been? I can remember times in my life: when I was little and thought there was a witch in my bedroom. Some near-misses deadly car accidents. Or even as an adult, different types of fears; not having enough money, living in a (haunted??) house, the fear of being alone, then the fear of dealing with infertility and the possibility of not being able to have children, the fear of losing a child. I think back on all of those fears, how some of the fear was warranted, but in the end, I was ok - and perhaps even better - for having gone through that hard, scary time.

Right now, we're in some fear-filled times. Everywhere we look, it seems the loudest cries are of those who are fearful for their lives. I have felt those fears and the frustrations along with the signs of our times. I don't want to raise my child in a socially distant, mask-wearing society. But right now that's where we are. I don't often think of myself as a "fearless mama", but that is something that with God's help I strive to be. For some years now, I have practiced listening to God and letting Him guide me to a Bible verse for the year. Last year, it was about addressing fear: "I sought the Lord, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears." Little did I know when I received that verse, just a few months later I would have to face one of my biggest fears. However, it's one reason I'm able to face this pandemic with less fear. Last year was hell, but my little family somehow got through it. And if anything, dealing with recurrent miscarriages and stillbirth, loosing friends way too young, facing my own mortality has taught me this: life here is temporary. In an instant you or a loved one can be gone. It's not just a virus that could take your life, it could be anything we submit ourselves to each day. And there are one of two places you'll go; one is indescribably better than this life here. So, if you're a Christian, we don't live with a mindset for just this life, we live with an eternal mindset of something better to come. A time of no more fear or sadness or pain. And that way of living changes our perspective.

In this age of opinions and endless resources to facts - some of which are truly facts and some which are not, we need to be careful whose voice we are listening to. I like to believe that in general, people are good; I tend to give them the benefit of the doubt. For example: I used to believe and follow everything my doctor told me. I thought he was looking out for my best interest. Until I was let down time after time. While most doctors are great, that doesn't mean we let them dictate our health. They can guide us to better decisions, they can recommend medications; but ultimately it's our choice. And if we're a God-fearing Christian, then it's not fully our choice, it's to be submitted to God. It seems that I thought the expert was better at managing my life than me or God. A turning point was when a mentor of mine challenged the doctor's diagnosis. "You can believe what the doctor says, or you can believe what God says." That's when I stopped reacting to the doctor's news in fear and responding with Faith and Hope. And since then, I have never regretted holding onto hope even when the situation screamed that it was impossible. Because His words are true: "For I know the plans I have for you, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Right now, our kids need us to be fearless. Right now, if we profess to believe in God, we need to look different than the rest of the world. They need to see us responding in faith and hope. We cannot simply be followers, but we must be doers of the word. I don't just want to read my child a cute bible story before bed or have him memorize verses; I want to LIVE it. I want him to see what's possible, I want God's word to be alive. I believe that the miracles, blessings and all words of scripture are absolute truth and still possible in these days. Jesus touched a leper - someone that his society was told to have nothing to do with, to not go near - and healed him. Can you imagine having that kind of boldness and peace around someone with a debilitating and deadly infectious disease? The bible is filled with countless stories of men and women who defied orders, often to be miraculously protected by God and thus changing the way others saw God. I'm not endorsing defying and disrespecting our authority out of frustration and anger, but I am suggesting that we need to fear God more than we do others. Whose voice are we listening to? Are we taking time to listen to God's voice, or are we listening too often to what others are saying? I feel urgency as I type this. There are times to hide in place and there are times to rise up. We have hidden in place and now it's time to stand up and do what God created us for. Each person is called to a destiny; what we do may be different than what someone else will do. But it starts with our families and those we see each day. Even in the little things - being friendly at the grocery store. Praying for strangers, random acts of kindness. I'm guilty of tunnel-vision when out in public; especially now, there are times I'm concerned that I will offend someone if I get to close to them or even speak to them. It's harder to smile and generate conversation with a mask, I feel muffled and hard to understand. But there are lonely, scared people out there. And we need to be the light. And our kids need to see us being a light in this dark world. Even if we don't feel boldness, I believe it will come as we honor God and act accordingly.

We have a choice in what to believe and in how we respond. We can choose to believe all the different, conflicting information out there about these times. Or we can sit and listen to the One who knows everything; none of this is a surprise to Him. That's the only way true peace can enter our lives. That's the only way to live fearlessly.